Ok, let’s get serious.
There are many reasons why someone might feel guilty about seeing a Dominatrix. The most common reasons are they have a partner who doesn’t know, or it conflicts with their social identity, that investing in carnal pleasure is a ‘sin’ and means you are not a ‘respectable’ man.
I have played with over 1000 people and have had conversations with tens of thousands more, many of which have had these concerns. The best way to know if BDSM and Domination with a Professional Dominatrix is for you is to make informed decisions that sustains your conscience. But to do that, you need to have knowledge and to introspect. Most times, being able to discuss your thoughts, your personal situation and your life goals with someone who doesn’t judge and will advise you from their varied, extensive experience on the matter helps a great deal. That is why I have a Coffee Meet offer – it is specifically for people who need to have in-depth conversations to help them understand themselves, their personal circumstance and options on how to navigate their complex situation.
A lot of guilt comes from the idea of “cheating “ – not being able to tell their partner about seeing a Dominatrix (and revealing their kinky desires, which they have hidden to be with their partner) and sexually engaging with another person.
For starters, BDSM and Femdom doesn’t have to be a sexual experience. Many include sexual activity (not standard intercourse) in sessions, but it is not a requirement or expectation. Many BDSM practices do not have a sexual element and are just a mutually enjoyable activity, such as Impact Play. The physical and emotional relieving qualities of being spanked is undeniable. Also the peace and comfort a person can feel being isolated and bound in a deprivation suit. D/s dynamics do not need to be sexually charged either. They can be purely platonic. This is one of the best benefits of seeing a Professional Dominatrix – you get to choose if your session is sexual or not, and if your dynamic is sexual or platonic. The choices you make should appease your conscience. (But yes, ironically, some emotional masochists like the feeling of being bad and being a “cheater”. It makes Domination experiences feel exciting for them, but also for some, it can even make them feel comforted. Humans are amazingly complex and fascinating creatures.)
From my experience, I have found that it is true when they say men “cheat” to stay in their marriage, while women “cheat” to get out of it. Most of the men I have sessioned with haven’t been able to tell their partners about their kinky desires. It’s either because they know their partners will never understand, they don’t desire their partners in a kinky way or their partners will break up with them over it. This fear of losing someone that they love keeps their mouth shut. But still, they need kink in their lives like a meat-eater, partnered to a vegan, needs steak.
It is easy for most to say, ‘communication is key’ and ‘if you both really loved each other you’d work it out,’ but such are being dismissive, unrealistic, and short-sighted. Usually kink secrets are required because, as mentioned above, their partners would never understand their needs (and likely break up with them even before a suggestion of seeing a Dominatrix), their partner knowing their kinky desires would change their relationship dynamics (usually for the worst), the relationship is on shaky ground already or seeing a Dominatrix could be used as a weapon by their partner, especially to initiate a divorce. The truth is, if a partner isn’t kinky themselves, they are very rarely accepting or tolerant of a person’s kinks.
What’s more, kinks are personal, they are also something that a person holds sacred and doesn’t necessarily want to share with their partner. People, especially men, need to have some part of their life only to themselves. That is why the mancave was invented.
Do not feel guilt if you need your own private life. It is healthy, it will make you own your identity as a man, and enable you to be your best self for your life and relationships. It is important to remember, you are not just a partner in a committed relationship, but a human being who wants to make the most of this life, to explore and experience your desires to feel complete.
The best thing about seeing a Dominatrix is that She doesn’t judge you, but helps you accept yourself and your desires. You do not need to tell Her anything about your life or that you have a partner. She will not pry. You can set the boundaries and limits you require, no questions will be asked as to why. If you want no sexual dynamic or contact, that is fine. If you want a sexually charged dynamic and sexual contact (providing the Dominatrix does this), that is fine too.
But, if you wish to tell Her about your personal situation, and any concerns you may have, it can help Her to design sessions to suit the needs of our conscience. And what’s more, knowing your situation and how you feel will enable Her to become a confidant and sounding-board for you.
One of the responsibilities of a Dominant is to ensure the safety and wellbeing of their submissive. That includes making sure their sub is emotionally stable and happy with their decision to submit and engage in a dynamic. If She is a good Dominatrix, She will always check on the psychological state of Her sub, especially as part of Aftercare protocol.
The most important part: How can you tell if a Dominatrix will respect your situation and your kink needs? By the quality of Her personality and presentation. By reading Her, you will get a feel for who She is. By seeing Her interact with Her submissives, through pictures and video, you will be able to tell Her quality of intimacy; and by interacting, assessing the quality of Her answers to your questions through dialogue or writing.