We are always talking about subs – their desires, their wants, their needs. We talk about their subspace. And, we talk about their subdrop. Ufff! Did you know that Dommes can drop just as heavy, or even further than subs?
It is not only subs who have an emotional or physical experience during and after a session. Dom/mes do too. We put in as much physical and emotional effort as our subs, and most often, even more because we are the ones that are carrying the action and the mood. Yes, we most certainly can experience Dommespace. And… likewise, Dommedrop.
Always after a session, I get a drop. And when a session is extremely intense, the drop can be extremely intense. After a session, I need time to breathe, to recover from play and the energy that was generated. With My ‘probationary’ subs, play isn’t so dynamically charged, but with My personal subs, Holy shit! A morning in bed does the trick to recover, but often I can be teary and sulky for days. Sometimes I need a week to get over my emotions.
My Dommedrop is a lowering of my emotions. Before a session, I get rather feisty and aggressive – I pump up excited and powerful for the play. After the session, I need to come down. And sometimes I come down hard, like a lead brick. Ironically, the sadness is about getting what I want. It sounds awfully silly, doesn’t it? You’d think that I’d been elated after having My fantasy come true, but no. I become so overwhelmed from my elated emotions that it makes me sad and I cry. It feels like I’m mourning the loss of the experience. I long to be back in that euphoria… to be with My sub in that amazing psychedelic space, (and yes, Dommes experience Dommespace too). But, it’s gone.
After play, I always make sure a sub is good emotionally and physically before they leave. We sit and talk about the session. Sometimes we might cuddle – but I’m still ‘on the job’ at this point. I remind them about subdrop and usually tell them to read my post about it on Fetlife. And, I tell them to contact Me if they are feeling it and they need to talk. This is the Aftercare I provide My subs. It’s the duty of care I give to all I play with. (I even tell/warn training Dommes about dropping so they can feel free to contact Me if they need to.) But, with all the care I give… at the end of the day, there is nothing for Me.
I have pure D/s relationships. I don’t have a romantic partner to care for Me. There have been times I’ve had partners, but right now I’m single.
I don’t get Aftercare from subs because I don’t ask for it or require it from them. Why? Because our relationship just doesn’t go there emotionally… and they usually can’t handle it. If I had a tender, caring moment with them where I could curl up into their arms and be comforted, it would fuck them up. Why? Because if we do that, our D/s dynamic becomes weaker. My power becomes compromised in the sub’s headspace. It shouldn’t, but it usually does. If I’m all needy, the sub usually perceives Me as being submissive because I’m vulnerable. Yes, it’s not true that if I’m vulnerable then I am submissive, but reprogramming a sub against social conditioning is a bitch. There have only been a few m-subs that could handle Me needing their comfort. They were Daddy Doms who submitted to Me, so they didn’t get fucked up when I needed their arms.
I know I can easily require My subs to give Me aftercare. I can teach them that D/s has different intensities depending on the activity. My Dominance in high-scene might reach a 10 on a 1-10 scale. But, during Aftercare it might go down to 2 or 1. It means I am still Dominant, but the output energy of dominance is low for the specific activity of Aftercare. But, I don’t because…
Timing is everything. It is generally not practical for Me to require My own Aftercare straight after a session as I’m usually giving it to the sub. Plus, the focus is to clean up and, really, escape from each other to process what just happened. For Me, Aftercare is best the next morning or a few days later. However, that is not doable for Me and My subs when we only really see each other for D/s and sessioning. For D/s couples who are life partners, it is much easier to give Aftercare to each other whenever they need it.
So, I have to deal with Domme-drop on my own. Chocolate helps…lol. But usually, I retreat to the care of my friends, escape from Domme duties for a little while, and focus on self-care. However, I think it is the time I most miss having a partner.