Well, the overarching reason is: Because they can.
When men are younger, paying for it damages their pride. When men are older, logic and reason creeps in. They wise up.
It is a fallacy to think that only men who can’t get a woman go to see a professional. It is quite the opposite. Seeing a professional isn’t just on a whim for them, they have usually looked at their life and decided what they want. It is a very rational choice.
The main reasons I’ve discovered why men see a Dominatrix are:
1. They don’t want the ‘hassle’ of a romantic relationship
They are focused on their career, their family and their friends. They don’t have the capacity, energy or will to go through all the ups and down of dating/jumping through hoops to try and find a Domme for a D/s relationship, let alone a romantic one. Plus, trying to convert a vanilla woman is just… no. Having a session with a Dominatrix means they get to do BDSM whenever they have the time and whenever they feel like it without any entanglement.
2. They want someone who knows what they’re doing
True Dommes with years of ‘in the flesh’ experience are in short supply. Doing all the exciting, hardcore stuff requires knowledge and skill, and good experience. Men want to be in competent and safe hands when pushing limits, to be with someone who can protect them while giving ultimate pleasure. Especially for first-time anal players, they appreciate being with someone who knows the ins and outs of anal play.
3. They want to keep lives sperate
Lifestyle Dommes are generally looking for relationships. Even if it is straight D/s, lives naturally start to intertwine as you get to know each other more. This does not work for people who want to keep their kink life very separate from their vanilla life. They don’t want BDSM to casually weave in and out of their day; they only want it on every third Sunday of the month.
4. They can get what they want
Lifestyle Dommes have their own agenda, and even if they do collaborate with their sub, they might not have exactly the same kinks or fetishes. Seeing a Dominatrix means a man can get what he wants in each and every session without compromising. This is especially suited for kinksters and fetishists who aren’t specifically submissives, but enjoy BDSM sessions.
5. It’s a reward for themselves
Just how women like to go to spas and yoga retreats and nail salons, kinky men like to go to dungeons and Domme parties and flogging sessions. It’s relaxing and rewarding.
6. It saves time
This is basically que jumping (as a lot of Lifestylers are also Pro). But, rather than spending years on self-training and practice needed to entice a Lifestyle Domme, as a compete beginner they can see a Dominatrix.
7. It’s just easier
Lifestyle Dommes have so many barriers and hoops. You have to say the right thing, have the right profile, have the right pictures, have the right kinks, have the right training/experience, go to parties, be known in the scene and make friends with the right people before they will even notice you. Most don’t got time for that.
8. Their partner isn’t into BDSM
This one is huge and controversial. Usually they are in a sexless relationship, their partner has lost all interest in both physical and emotional intimacy. Seeing a Dominatrix doesn’t cross the line that has been set in the relationship… but if it does, there is no judgement. I’d say this is why Dominatrices get a bad rap… because they don’t judge. Women in relationships expect all other women to keep their man honest. Dominatrices allow people to be human.
9. To explore what they’ve missed out on
When they get to a certain age, men realise life is short and they want to experience as much of it as they can… including BDSM. Seeing a Dominatrix is a way for them to be introduced to the standard BDSM practices, but also be introduced to the less common and more taboo ones.
As a Lifestyler and a Professional, I get to see both sides of the coin. It’s really a cat or dog, Elvis or Beatles, and Coke or Pepsi, thing. You like one or the other, but the lines are always grey. I’ve also found that many start off with professionals and when they have experience under their belt, they look for and attract a Lifestyle Domme. I’d say that is a really good way to go because then one learns what good BDSM is though reputable Dominatrices.
Note: Generalisations are made here just to make the topic punchier, humorous and shorter. But the points still stand.