So, You Want To Worship?
I train some of my friends who are new to Femdom. We talk more about Femdom philosophy, and the perspective of a Femdom, more than activities and play. So, below is a perspective of Mine about how to gain more control of your Femdom. However, my reader in this writing is a man.
Women are not dumb. We know that a lot of Femdom has been created by men for men. Men have developed roles, types, and activities to satisfy themselves, calling it Femdom, even though it is not. But it is not all their fault. ProDommes and content-Dommes perpetuate male-centric Femdom for business – they continue the misrepresentation of Femdom for financial gain . It means real Femdoms are stuck with these ‘perversions’, and generally have to re-educate subs one at a time as to what Femdom really is: Female Domination
How does the perversion of Femdom occur?
Worship, for instance. When an m-sub says he is into Worship, it basically means he wants access to a woman’s feet, her pussy or her ass – to suck, lick and fuck – all for ‘Her pleasure’, of course. Pffft. The word ‘worship’ is used to disguise what men really want – arousing or sexual encounters with female body parts. This definition of Worship is new, (which is fine, as language is designed by nature to change and progress) but, the reason it changed is quite sinister – it was more a hijacking of the word – to deceive by disguising intentions. This new male-centric meaning of Worship conflicts with the traditional meaning of Femdom Worship, to describe a D/s dynamic.
Femdom Worship
The word ‘worship’ basically means to express reverence and adoration; words of affirmation, and actions of devotion and honour. Femdom Worship is (or was) supposed to be honouring, praising and idolising the Femdom – it is a power dynamic. Femdom titles – Goddess and Queen –signify such dynamic, but also certain Femdom philosophy, such as Female Supremacy. Essentially, Worship is a dynamic between Domme and sub, not an activity or fetish. It can be used to humiliate, intensify connection or for pleasure. The ‘objective’ of the sub in Femdom Worship is to focus on the majesty/awe of the person, not to sexually objectify a female body part. So, it is hard to imagine that any real Femdom would be a supporter of the new meaning of Worship.
This sort of thing – funkifying meanings of words – is continually happening in BDSM because nothing is codified. As such the meaning of Worship has been funktified just as Consensual Non-Consent (CNC) has. Thanks to websites creating ‘definitions’ of kinky acts, most people now think CNC is just sexual activity, specifically PiV rape play. But CNC is actually a whole range of sexual and non-sexual activities that are ‘forced upon’, and therefore need clear and definite consent. (CNC uses a type of blanket consent, but often time or activity restricted.)
The likely reason for everything BDSM becoming sexualised is because of Kinksters. Kinksters do everything for sex, and as such, use BDSM acts and concepts for sexual activity. However, BDSM isn’t about sex, but the exploration of human arousal and pleasure, whether that be sexual or not.
Worship is now a term to describe a Fetish
A fetish is having sexual interest in an object, a body part or an activity. And…. Worship has now become a sexual interest in feet, ass and pussy. Therefore, Worship is a category of fetishes, not Femdom. However, it is still portrayed as a Femdom activity by pornDommes and contentDommes alike, which has created huge confusion in the kink scene, and headaches for real Femdoms. Why? Because us Femdoms have to retain every potential submissive who has the wrong understanding of Worship thanks to the perpetuation of the misrepresentation.
Yes, Femdoms technically do the activity ‘Worship’, but what largely makes Worship a fetish and not Femdom is the driver – male fetishists. There is a big difference between a woman sitting her ass on a man’s face and saying, ‘Worship Me, you little bitch’, and a man saying, ‘I want to Worship you’ (aka, I want you to sit on my face so I can lick your asshole because I love it.) Can you see the difference? The first is female motivated – Femdom – the second is male motivated – back-seat Femdom, male-centric fetish.
In Practice with a Real Femdom:
When a man – vanilla, sub or kinkster – says to me, ‘I want to worship you’, I ask back, ‘So, you want to suck my feet, pussy or ass?’ His answer is always, ‘yes’ and then he quickly adds, ‘for Your pleasure’. These men have learnt Worship cues from Social Media, from each other and from inexperienced or fake Femdoms.
A very cold, stiff veil comes over me. I can feel it from the top of my forehead, running down my body to my heels. I don’t care what the man wants. Yes, I like my feet, pussy and ass being sucked, but… The man has straight out has told me he wants access to my feet, ass and pussy for his own pleasure, saying that is it for Mine. He is presuming, like they all do, that this is something I would want from him. No, it’s not. I am a Femdom – what I want is for him to want what I want. That is all. That is all I require of every sub. That is submission. But most of these men are always wanting their own desires… always telling Me what they want… always expecting I will give them what they want because they asked for it… and because (apparently) it is ‘all for My pleasure’. Some men aren’t even aware that they are not a sub, but only a fetishist in disguise.
Now, I’m a logical woman. I know everyone wants things, that’s why they are doing BDSM and D/s – they want it. But wanting something and projecting that want onto someone else, a Femdom, are two different things. I certainly expect My subs to want, it is what creates their drive, but I don’t want them to put their wants onto me. Why? Because we are practicing Femdom. They want Femdom. And if they want Femdom, they should release their male-centric wants.
In general, men have always had more freedom to want, to express what they want and to get what they want. And in general, women haven’t. I hate the freedom men have in telling me what they want from me – my feet, my pussy, my ass. Without even knowing me, they want from me. But in My Femdom, men do not have that privilege. In My Femdom, I am the one who projects My wants.
Ut, ut, ut, ut, ut. I know what you are thinking. No, saying ‘I want to Worship You,’ is not an innocent suggestion, that the sub would be happy to do whatever I want him to do. It is a statement of want, careless, yes, but it demonstrates to Me that he thinks he has at least equal say in My Femdom. Nope. He should go get a Collaborative/Relative Domme who will give him equal say and do what he wants. If he wants My Femdom, he will endeavour to practice the purest form of Femdom, which means his only want is for My will.
This is why I say I’m an Absolute Domme. I don’t do what men want; I do what I want. That is My Femdom.
Now, some men try to be smart and ask ‘How can I Worship You?’. But, that’s like saying, ‘Tell me what I can do to get access to suck your feet, pussy and ass. What is the button I can push to get you to let me?’ Hm. (If you are good at English, you will understand the difference between asking ‘How can I’, to ‘How do I’)
Instead of a man declaring, ‘I want to Worship You,’ or asking me for my ‘access button’, they should find out if I like Worship in the first place… and for My definition. If men truly want to experience Femdom, they should ask the Femdom these questions:
Do you like Worship?
Some Femdoms aren’t Goddesses. They don’t enjoy the acts of Worship, the feelings or the meaning. Or, they might have their own definition according to their own Femdom philosophy. Men should never suppose, but always ask.
How do you like to be Worshipped?
Worship is really a lot more than feet, ass and pussy Worship. The thing is, if the Femdom wants him to Worship Her in a certain way, She will get him to Worship Her in a certain way. He doesn’t need to ask. (He should consider: Am I asking or am I pushing?)
Would you like me to worship you in such a way?
Ah… Now, this depends on how the Femdom sees him, and how She connects with him. A stranger worshiping Her and someone She knows and understands worshipping Her is very different. Strangers tend to be worshipping the Femdom object, familiars tend to worship the Femdom herself. Both can be satisfying, but Lifestyle Dommes tend to prefer the latter. The thing is, if She wants him to Worship Her, She will get him to Worship Her, to Her liking. He doesn’t need to ask.
The Femdom will Femdom how She wants – activity, timing, frequency, intensity – so stop bloody telling Her what you want, especially on first contact.