I’m a hybrid of Pro and Lifestyle. In Lifestyle, I am more like a Pro, and in Pro, I am more like a Lifestyle – I’ve always broken the standard. For Me, BDSM is about raging against the machine, so it is only natural for it to rage against itself too. I’ve heard both sides of the story, and it’s funny, both sides think they are supreme. But, especially over the last five years, there has become another division – the Classic verses the New Wave.
Pro-Dominatrices have always been thought of as being highly proficient at Domination and BDSM techniques, more so than Lifestyle Dommes. To what degree, no one knows, as there is no regulation or system to validate except for reputation. However, ProDommes have always had to ‘rise above’ the fold in looks, in prestige and reputation. It’s good for business, but it also earns respect among their peers. The collective image of the Dominatrix was carefully constructed by the ProDommes. It was elegant, regal and commanding. Unfortunately, nowadays the New Wave has made being a Professional Dominatrix a titty show. It is a marketing ploy, but they say they feel empowered being naked in a harness (which traditionally is the image of a slave). They are certainly raging against the BDSM machine, but in doing so, have compromised the reputation their predecessors had carefully built. As such, there is now a division in the ProDomme scene were the New Wave are offering porn-Domme experiences and the original Dominatrices are still offering Classic Domination. This division, and New Wave take, has weakened the stature of the Professional Dominatrix.
Lifestyle Dommes have always prided themselves on being ‘free’. Of course, this is not how they say it, they talk more to the tune of passion and enlightenment. The collective image was of a mysterious woman, quite regular in vanilla life, but behind closed doors became an extreme Dominant Woman to be reckoned with. She controlled every inch of a man, usually her husband or someone obsessed with her, not only at home, but in public life (stealthily, of course). She was a mastermind of psychological domination, and a myth to those searching for her. Nowadays, anyone with a crop calls themselves a Domme, and since the Pandemic, the ‘bedroom Domme’ has become a staple. Roleplaying is now the standard pacifying fantasy placebo – a quick fantasy fix rather than the real thing – especially for the many-a-men who want to convince their submissive wives to play Domme. The bedroom Domme is now the most sort after in the BDSM scene by horny men and kinksters (as opposed to true BDSMers). Fucks spiced with BDSM is the most common desire of men not only in the scene, and the most common misconception of what a true Lifestyle Domme offers.
What the New Wave is creating is male-centric Femdom – Femdom for the desire of men. They are not raging against the BDSM machine (which is rather respectable) but perverting the foundations of Femdom. Rather than Exhibitionism, they are attention seeking for vanity. Rather than anarchy, they are senselessly demolishing values. Rather than chaos, they are creating confusion and disorientation. Rather than Domination, they are domineering. Rather than a power dynamic, they practice tyranny.
Of course, different scenes around the world are at different stages of this division, but as a whole, in life and online, and especially in Europe, the Great Divide is getting wider.