As a Domme, I often find myself in a position where I’m giving counsel to a lost boy. Sometimes they break my heart – all they see in themselves is worthlessness, where I see potential. It can be tricky knowing what is the right thing to say to them. As a Logician, truth to me is more valuable than love, so I give them a piece of my mind… gently, of course.
There was one particular boy at the beginning of my Domme journey who was so lost I couldn’t bare it. It made me break out of my Domly distance and confront him as human being to human being. The experience helped me to better understand my role as a Domme. And, it enabled me to see the complex connection between a man’s sexuality and his personal worth.
My lost boy couldn’t recognise himself. Everything he believed he was was gone – he was empty. He wanted to get himself back to someone he could understand, but the truth is, there is no going back. So he was in limbo… moving forward while longing to return.
Lost boys are searching for home, for direction, for themselves… They have no clue how to start and wander aimlessly, becoming exasperated. I tell them there is only one way to start – Choose. And if it turns out to be the wrong choice, then choose again.
It took me several days to come up with the right words for my lost boy when he asked me what he should do. I could have been lazy and said, “That’s up to you, babe,” but he meant more to me than that. So, I told him what I thought and then stood back to give him the freedom to understand it:
Choose your life perspective. Who you are and who you become is dependent on the choices you make. Choose who you want to be, baby. And because you are on a spiritual quest… choose your enlightenment.
Some people choose god, some people choose humanism, socialism or universalism… For me, I want something bigger. I choose Wonder. I want to experience our miraculous existence with big eyes and an open heart. Searching, learning, pondering our existence in the universe puts my life into perspective. It shapes my goals and my happiness. Even though I am searching for enlightenment from something so big – the universe – the little things become meaningful. And so I start to choose experiences that will bring me into wonder, and that’s when I feel connected to the universe and the human race. It makes me more noble and courageous, more peaceful and loving. My existence becomes meaningful.
For a long while, just like you, I felt lost and empty. I felt my whole life had been a lie. I had no belief in anything. I was devastated. After a major crisis in my life that was beyond my control, I realised there is no one path to enlightenment but there is only one way to obtain it – through your own thoughts and choices. To change who you are you need to change your mind.
It’s so simple, yet so hard. But if you really want it, always remember that enlightenment isn’t a destination, it’s a process. You are meant to fail and feel miserable, but that is part of learning to change. It’s never going to be easy, especially when others close to you don’t understand, but it will be worth it. You are the most important thing in your life. You have a responsibility to yourself first, then humanity and the universe, to become your best self. To become a part of the Wonder.
I know you are smart, educated… but sometimes the simple things can escape us. This is what I would have wanted to hear in the times I’ve been lost and empty. I hope my measly words give you comfort.
I’d like to tell you this story ends happily, but it doesn’t. My lost boy was drowning and I didn’t have the power to help him anymore, so I said goodbye. In a way I was confusing him… torturing him… by opening his mind when his vanilla life was boxing him in. I’ve given him my truth, now it’s up to him. I have faith he will choose his way out of his emptiness, but I fear it will take him many more painful years yet.
Such is a Domme’s care.