I’ve received a lot of interest on my ideas from my recent post The Subtleties of Dominance about the different types of arousal I experience as a Domme. So I thought I’d write a little more in-depth about it.
The specific sentence that has intrigued people is:
Smart boy, because I found myself wanting to do things to him for my erotic pleasure, not for the thrill of it – (a big difference – sexual excitement as opposed to getting a high from the power) – the former I normally withhold until he is the exception.
As a Domme, I divide my arousal into two categories: Thrill and Passion.
Thrill involves a rush, like riding on a rollercoaster. It is carnal, fleshly, can be innocent, and is largely based on impulse. For me it includes intimacy with strangers, in public places, or creative BDSM such as using an object in a unique way to elicit extreme pleasure… or pain. It’s about fun, surprise and sometimes fear, that raises adrenaline. But, as I’ve come into my own as a Domme, I’ve discovered that thrill is not just a shallow experience, it can deeply affect my emotions and tickle my intellect. Thrill is an arousal of my senses and it doesn’t have to be sexual.
The feeling of power is one of the thrills I get from exploring BDSM and D/s relationships. When my sub is at my mercy, when I’m the one to decide his fate, and being a sadist, when that fate is painful – (nonetheless my sub surrenders to my will giving me the power) – I get a rush, a high from the exchange. I feel a quickening in my mind and body, like when you stand on the edge of a cliff and look over the majesty of the earth and suddenly feel you are real, you exist. This is what a crisp strike to a bare ass does to me. What a ‘Yes, Mistress’ – when my sub is broken down, at his edge, and I want to push him just a little bit further to reach his potential – does to me. My body reacts to this thrill. Sometimes I get goose bumps, sometimes a calm washes over me like when you take your first sip of coffee for the day, and sometimes I become drenched between my legs. So, the physical response in my body is not necessarily sexual but very powerful all the same because of the transcendent state evoked in me.
Thrill springs from curiosity, adventure, inhibition and being a child of the universe. It is only underestimated or cheapened by those who don’t live an authentic life.
Passion swells by stimulating the intense desires of the deepest part of my being. My passion can be just as carnal as thrill, just as fleeting, but rather than impulsive, a journey takes place in my mind, with my emotions, shaping the experience into something significant. Passion is a rising excitement – my intellect is stimulated, I’m inspired to explore, and my sexual energy is stoked. Beautifully agonising. Passion is what conjures my true dominance, which compels me to invest in a submissive. By no means does passion have to involve love, though I think it comes from the same place and can often be love’s beginning.
The main difference between passion and thrill is emotional investment. Thrill is the result of my own energy and doesn’t require stimuli or inspiration from my sub for me to experience it. However, my passion is created by sexual enlightenment – the way a person uniquely stimulates me through their mind and their body, which reinvents my arousal and desire. Yes, with every new sub I discover a new dimension of my sexuality.
Sometimes my passion for a sub thrives before I meet them in person. A series of triggers must be set off that elicits arousal. The triggers often include discovering more complex traits of someone’s persona such as a refreshing attitude or the sexy way in which they deliver their thoughts – not only what but how they reveal the riddle of themselves. And, being drawn to kinaesthetic intelligence, it is often the way a sub is in control of their body, how they move through time and space, that excites me. But as a sadist, I’ve noticed my passion is also summoned after physical proof. When a sub is taking pain from me, it’s not only the way his body ripples through the torment but the state of his humility that makes me overcome with wonder that such a being would endure for me. It not only intensifies my sexual desire for him but activates a rare devotion in me that I have found never diminishes.
Passion is a power in itself and it feels wonderful when it is energised, however, in order for it to be realised, it takes two. What is passion if it cannot be rendered? My passion would not be fulfilling if the sub I am passionate about is not receptive to me or my desires of them. So, my passion for a sub can only be explored, even exist, with their permission, and in there lies the essence: No matter how fleeting or limited, passion requires trust, freedom and connection – a relationship.