I Don’t Need More

I’ve just spent a weekend with a submissive. We didn’t know each other at all. In fact, before we met I had never heard his voice, nor text-chatted with him in real time. Our communications were only every few days, a paragraph or two, with limited but direct information over two months. We played a little, which consisted of me giving him tasks to see how open he was to me, how accessible. But other than that… we knew nothing of each other – character, sense of humour, hearts. Yet, our the weekend, I had a fantastic time, and I believe he did too…

He is a sensualist, so he challenged me in many ways. Rather than going to my pain scenarios, I had to think of knew ways to develop a scene to fulfil his submissive needs. Being a sensualist, he is into intimacy. That is something I stay away from… Intimacy affects my emotions. I don’t want to get emotionally involved with temporary subs. I don’t want to fall in love with them.

But, for the weekend, I let down my guard. I opened up, allowing him to come into my personal space… my emotional space. I was amazed at how affectionate I was with him – running my fingers through his hair, lying with him in my arms, kissing… I was gentle, caring, and spoke to him with affection…

Now, as I go through my Domme drop, I am perplexed by how I could be so intimate, emotionally connecting with my sub, but afterwards have no intense desire to continue us, to want him, to love him. To be sure, I am very fond of him and our time together – it was an amazing experience – but I don’t need him in my life. I don’t need him to breathe. In a way that makes me feel sad – to connect with someone on such a level and then have nothing afterwards – but, it feels right. It feels like our time, our connection, doesn’t need more. It was perfect the way it was. It was a complete experience with a beginning, middle and end that has left me content and looking forward to my new adventures ahead.

I’m grateful that I have got to experience intimacy with this incredible person for a moment in my life. In our short time together he has taught me a great deal about myself… though, he will never know how indebted I feel to him for giving me the chance to be so vulnerable. I will always remember him with a smile.