Being a Domme, I endeavor to understand my subs, their desires, kinks, motivations… But foremost, I want to know why they have this burning need to submit.
Submission is not a quality I can find within myself, so in order for me to comprehend it, which in turn will make me a better Domme, I must depend on outside sources. I am often drawn to threads and pages on other blogs and sites that discuss the reasons why submissives want to submit, and to tell you the truth, some answers vex me.
One particular reason that pops up in nearly every discussion I have read is how submissives want to hand over control to someone else so they don’t have to make decisions. To me, a Domme consuming all the decisions in a relationship is bad craft.
A good Domme is a steward of their sub. They take care of their physical, mental and emotional needs with the goal to help their sub grow. A vital element of human growth is decision making. The decisions we make in our lives define who we are. They are evidence of our morals and values, our intellect, our strength, our character… And they are evidence of our growth. If a sub releases their decision making power to a Domme, they release their identity, they become consumed, and essentially they will not exist. Gone is the “I think, therefore I am”. No self-respecting Domme wants a lemming for a sub, or a fool for a slave. A good Domme would never allow their sub to give up decision making.
So how can a Domme nurture a sub’s decision making process? By giving them choices, hard choices. By creating challenges for them to exercise their intelligence. Playing games. Scenario analysis. Asking ‘why’ to make the sub decipher and examine… But, most importantly, by not becoming boring herself. Creativity, innovation and exploration begins with the Domme. Too often a Domme can get stuck in her ways, which stunts growth in her sub. Likewise, a Domme needs to progress and continually strive to practice her craft at an elite level if she wants an exceptional sub, one who will delight and honour her from the decisions he makes.